To Forgive and Forget

YOUTUBE LINK: https://youtu.be/xzGZwnEQr68

Slight Departure 

My original plan was to begin a new series on the topic of faithfulness to the Lord.  However, recent events have caused me to change my original plans and write a post on the topic of forgiveness.  And in particular, what we, as Saints, are expected to do when it comes to forgiveness.  

After realizing that some members misunderstand our expectation when it comes to forgiveness, I’ve decided to write this post to counteract that false teaching and hopefully help correct others who lack understanding on this important principle. 

Commandment to Forgive

As followers of Christ, we are not only expected to forgive, but we must forgive if we can expect to have any claim upon God’s glory. Christ set the example when he forgave those who put him to death.  Throughout his ministry he was clear he expected the same from us. 

We are to forgive because it is required of us.

I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men (D&C 64: 10). 

We are to forgive because Christ forgave and forgives us. 

Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me (Mosiah 26:30). 

We are also to forgive because it can redeem a lost soul -- or even souls.  By forgiving those who wronged us, we provide love and compassion which has the ability to mend the hard or despondent heart.  This principle is why Paul instructed the Corinthians saints to forgive a brother who harmed them, explaining: 

6 Sufficient to such a man is this punishment, which was inflicted of many. 7 So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow (2 Corinthians 2: 6-7). 

We are also to forgive because we receive mercy.  

When we fail to forgive another for the wrong they’ve done to us, we set up a standard of moral conduct.  And just as we hold others to this standard by our refusal to forgive, so too, will God hold us to this standard.  This is according to God’s justice, otherwise it would be unjust for us to expect forgiveness from God for the same behavior of which we refused to forgive others.  Christ made this principle clear in the parable of the unforgiving debtor, where the debtor sought release from his debt, but at the same time refused to forgive his debtor of even a smaller debt. 

This principle accords with God’s justice -- if we are not merciful to others, we can’t expect mercy from God and we incur his justice.  After all, consider the outcome of Christ’s disciples for their refusal to forgive: 

My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened (D&C 64: 8) 

Those who fail to forgive carry with them the GREATER sin. 

Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin (D&C 64: 9).  

To forgive others means to forgive as Christ forgives.  And how does Christ forgive? 

Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more (D&C 58: 42).

The answer: He forgives and forgets  

Forgiving and Forgetting 

What does it mean to forgive and forget?  Does it mean that we are to completely remove the memory of the wrong done to us.  I don't think so.  Does it mean that you have to be best friends with the offender?  Again, I don’t think so, although you do need to love them as you would anyone else -- otherwise you are impartial and not matching up to God’s character. 

What I mean by forgetting the offense is that we not only forgive them but we don’t hold their offense against them.  The same that Christ does for us.  Thus while we made hold onto a memory of the wrong, we don't ruminate over it or dwell on the wrong.  The memory of the wrong is like a passing cloud in our minds.  We see it and let it pass. 

The act of forgiveness releases the person from the accusation of their wrongdoing.  But a full release can’t be granted if we continue to hold a grudge against them.  If we think we’ve forgiven someone (maybe because we said in our mind or to them I forgive you), but then hold a grudge or a negative feeling towards them, then we haven’t fully forgiven the person because they are still accused of wrongdoing. 

Failing to forget the offense is to fail to forgive with our hearts.  We may say they are forgiven, but still hold their wrongdoing against them. We've taken the place of a judge because we determined that their conduct falls below our moral standard of mercy.  But the Lord explained how we are to forgive in our hearts: 

And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds. (D&C 64:11)

We are to forgive the person and then turn their conduct over to God to reward them according to their deeds.  We do not spend any more time holding a grudge against the wrongdoer or treating them differently because of what they did to us.  

Those who forgive but don’t forget have not really forgiven and, like the unforgiving debtor, are subjecting themselves to the full weight of God’s  justice.  

31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. 32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? 34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses. 

Further remarks 

What I’ve outlined above are the Lord's commandments regarding forgiveness.  However, as with most rules, there are exceptions.  And the commandment to forgive is no different.  I felt that it was important to address these exceptions lest one get confused.  Nevertheless, these exceptions are very narrow and apply to certain people in certain circumstances.  These exceptions are covered in D&C 98 and I refer to them as the laws of retribution. 

The first exception (verses 23 - 32) applies to servants of the Lord in circumstance when wrongs are committed against them and their families.  These verses teach that the Lord delivers the wrongdoer into the hands of his servants (i.e., like the Lord did to Nephi regarding Laban) when certain conditions are met.  Let's explore some of these conditions. 

The first condition is when the wrongdoer is an enemy. The meaning of "enemy" in this instance refers to a foe; an adversary -- one “who hates another and wishes a person injury.”  This means your cantankerous mother-in- law doesn’t count.  

The second condition is that the person must be a servant of God.  A servant is a holy man or women of God.  God's servants are blameless, which means they are without sin.  Any wrong committed against them is an injustice and therefore they are entitled to mete out justice in certain circumstances - which can include death if the enemy has threatened harm against the person and his family.  The wicked are not entitled to this law because they have no claim upon justice. But the holy who have confirmed their lives to justice do. 

The second exception (verses 32 - 37) is similar to the first, but applies to his people and occurs during times of war when the enemy rises up to war against the Lord’s people (see verse 33).  Under this exception, the Lord instructs that his people are to first extend peace and if that peace is rebuffed three times, then they are justified in going to battle. 

The third exception (verses 38 -48) applies to all people.  Here, all people are to forgive the wrongdoer regardless of the injury and whether or not the wrongdoer asks for forgiveness.  On the fourth time, however, the person is to not forgive and instead is to take the actions of the wrongdoer before the Lord as testimonies of the wrongdoing. These testimonies remain until the wrongdoer repents.  However, if at any time the wrongdoer repents, we are to forgive.  

Notice that unlike the first exception, where the Lord delivers the wrongdoer into the hands of his servant, this third exception requires us to take the "testimonies" of the wrongdoing to the Lord and let the Lord handle the matter.  It's also important to realize that the wrongdoing described in verses 38-48 is not mere offense, but is a trespass, which -- based on the 1828 dictionary -- could refer to violation of another’s rights, something more serious than a petty offense or annoyance.  Furthermore, unlike the first expectation where the enemy is delivered into the hands of the servant, the third exception requires us to take the evidence of the trespass to the Lord and turn it over to him to handle it. 

For most of us, the triggering of these exceptions is rare.  Nevertheless, they are exceptions that exist and it is wisdom to know when they apply and how far they extend. 

Releasing the Wrongdoer 

What I've outlined above are the Lord's commandments regarding the act of forgiveness of which we must obey if we except to have his Spirit with at all times.  For those who are struggling to forgive, I encourage you to turn to the Lord that he will soften your heart and to give you compassion for your wrongdoer.  Otherwise, to hold a grudge against your wrongdoer will cause you to incur the greater sin and will lead to a hard heart, as bitterness and animosity seeks you deeper into darkness, blocking you off from the love and light of Christ.